Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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