imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize