ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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