dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
