He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
