i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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