two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
