Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
