What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Actions speak louder than pants.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
