On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize