Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just pynch a tree in the face
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
