Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
