If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
