youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
