Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
