I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
