fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
