She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
