Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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