4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
