i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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