There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
