I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
