she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You made out with two different species that night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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