all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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