Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
