i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
