I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
