NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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