oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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