U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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