You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize