He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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