Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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