And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
