At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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