this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
