i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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