don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
COCAINE IS GR8
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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