I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
