Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
