Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
