You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
