Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
