I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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