she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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