Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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