it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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