so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
