If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
