dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
