yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
