mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
