my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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