dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
so much tequila, so little girl.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
