What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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