So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
