sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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