Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize