Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
