I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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