just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
