I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
