i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
