My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
