You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
