whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
