Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
