I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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