I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
