You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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