I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Randomize
