so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize